M&F. Part 3
- Posted by: Oksana Maslennikova
- Category: About the psychology but with a bit of humor
So what makes a man in this situation?
If a woman came home from work and complains, “Oh, I made 100500 reports, my colleagues are bastards, I was so tired, after that came in took the baby from the kindergarden, and there was the teacher complaining, and the more money there have to pay it for something… and some guy was parked wrong and all that stuff…”, the man need to sit down and listen carefully.
By mindfulness, I mean that you can not listen at all, the main thing is to make an attentive appearance. I even recommend it – it’s better not to listen, because the brain will turn on itself and start solving the problem again.
Think about what you want, but don’t go into her problems. But look more and more sympathetic with each moment, just so that a little bit of her pain is reflected on your face.
After she’s finished, you ask a follow-up question. The clarifying question should be: “My God, honey, is this all that happened to you today, or is there some other trouble?”. If she says: “Why??? This is not enough?”, then you say that this is generally a horror, how did you even endure all this?
Men, remember: your specific advice in most cases, women, to put it mildly, do not need at all.
When it has a real request, it will actually say so.
“Honey, here’s the problem, I drove into a pole, what should I do?”. So she will announce it.
And if it’s about how hard it was to work today, how she, poor thing, worked hard – well, in general, the story is about Cinderella undervalued, then you get up, make the most miserable look and hug with great, great love and say: “My God, poor girl, how hard it is for you, how you put up with all this, how you stand it – it’s unbearable. No one can handle that kind of pressure, so how do you manage, my dear? What a good fellow you are!”. Hold her tight, kiss her, sigh three times together in time with her, and, in fact, the problem is solved.
But there are pitfalls in this strategy.
It works for the time being.
Women! Don’t use this tactic. After a while, “using” a man in this way, he will put it in the list of “brain removal” and will run “on business”, just not to rape his head.
The more mature position is to honestly say what you want. Straight.
I’m tired, it’s been a difficult day. Omit the details. So tell me: “It was a hard day. Hold me, it makes me feel so much better to feel you around!” (Don’t forget, he may have had a much harder day). Tell them that you understand that he probably had some difficulties, and how good it is to be together in the evening. Or something like that.
Men! Also, in my opinion, it is not necessary to fix this behavior in a woman.
Once or twice applied, then choose the moment and say delicately what You think about it. That you perceive it from the series “go to the middle of nowhere, bring something unknown”, and this behavior is not beneficial to the woman herself. Otherwise, when she really has a problem, the man will ignore it.
Try to agree that if she wants to “play Cinderella”, where the ultimate goal of the game is sympathy or “hugs”, it is better to indicate this.
And if a real request for help, then so clearly and say: “I need your help.” And it is desirable to formulate it as specific as possible.
Without any “guess it yourself”.
If you can’t reach an agreement right away. And the woman more and more often uses “tears, offends, guess why I feel bad and go prove your love”…
Just sit a ilently. To leave to get to work. Not react. Even if she gets mad.
Don’t swear or get involved. Just go about your business in silence.
Two or three tantrums that you will remain calm (it’s difficult, I understand), but not having achieved the goal, The woman will stop doing it. Especially if later, not at the time of the storm, if. You will be able to convey to her what is really happening.
Well, or the woman will change tactics, even more insidious, or rather “stupid”.
Stupid is any tactic that does not bring a woman a long — term positive result.
One such “victory “is either the first step to alienation and divorce, or turning a man into a” henpecked man”, after which you yourself will stop respecting him and start looking for another (consciously or not), or increase the “brain raping”, which will eventually lead to sad consequences.
But about them some other time.
Write down if the picture is familiar, if you have seen it somewhere, or if you have passed through it yourself. How did you manage it? Or not?